5 things to say when someone dies
I’m sorry for your loss
Although this simple phrase may appear trite, it can be extremely effective at expressing your sympathy. When someone is grieving the loss of their loved one, it’s important to acknowledge what they are going through, instead of tiptoeing around the subject. Other variations of this phrase could include:
- “I’m sorry for what you’re going through.”
- “I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum.”
I’m here for you
Let your friend or family member know that you’re there to offer support throughout the grieving process. These comforting words offer a sense of reassurance; even if the individual doesn’t want your support initially, we guarantee they will appreciate the gesture. You could also say:
- “I’m here for you throughout this difficult time.”
- “I’m always at the end of the phone if you need somebody to talk to.”
My favourite memory of [insert name] is…
One of the most heartfelt gestures you can offer a grieving person is to share a memory of their loved one. Hearing a new story about their beloved can bring a moment of joy amongst the sadness, and offer comfort in knowing that their spouse or family member touched the lives of others. Ensure that the memory you share is positive – for example:
- “I loved your Dad’s laugh; it never failed to light up the room.”
- “I’ll always remember that holiday we enjoyed in Portugal together.”
It’s OK not to be OK
If your friend or family member is beginning to open up, make sure you remind them that it’s okay to feel sadness and pain. This will help them feel heard and come to terms with the rollercoaster of emotions associated with grieving. You could also use this opportunity to remind them that there are no time limits to grief by saying something like:
- “Don’t worry if you’re not feeling up to it today.”
- “Take your time, there’s no rush.”
Can I help with [insert chore]?
Offering to help with those mundane everyday chores can make all the difference to someone who’s grieving. In our experience, people are more open to accept support if the request is specific. Think of some tasks that may be difficult to complete when a loved one has passed away, such as:
- “Would you like me to take the kids to school this week?”
- “Do you need any help with cooking or cleaning?”
5 things not to say when someone dies
I know how you feel
Although it can be tempting to share your own experiences, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to grief and everyone’s loss is unique. You should remain focused on what that person is going through and offer sympathy and support, without bringing your own experiences into the equation.
Everything happens for a reason
This counterproductive phrase will likely offer more comfort to you than the bereaved person. When somebody is struggling with intense sorrow, phrases like this can serve to invalidate the pain they are feeling. It’s safer to exercise caution than assuming that they subscribe to any notion of a higher power.
At least…
Phrases such as “at least he is no longer in pain”, “at least the death wasn’t sudden” or “at least you still have [insert family member]” does nothing to alleviate the person of their suffering. This loss will still be intensely painful and have a significant impact on their life, so care should be taken to acknowledge this.
Let me know if you need anything
Although you may have good intentions, vague offers of support can actually be unhelpful to the bereaved. Many people in this position will struggle to ask for help, due to the fear of being a burden or being unsure about what help they need. Instead, you should offer to help with specific tasks that the individual may be struggling with, as mentioned above.
You will meet someone else
When somebody has lost their partner, they often can’t imagine a future without that person in it. The idea of “moving on” can be deeply upsetting and many widows fear that memories of their significant other will fade. Considering a new relationship is an extremely personal choice, and uttering phrases like this could sound as if you’re devaluing the deceased.
Honour the memory of your loved one with Alexander Burn
If you’re searching for kind, caring and compassionate funeral directors in Cheltenham, Winchcombe, Bishop’s Cleeve or Tewkesbury, look no further than Alexander Burn. We can help arrange the funeral service, burial or cremation of your loved one with dignity and respect, offering practical and emotional support during difficult times of loss. We go above and beyond when it comes to bereavement care – get in touch to discover more.
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"My mom passed away a little over a month ago which was the hardest thing I have ever gone through.
My saving grace in the weeks that followed was Alexander Burn Funeral Directors. They handled everything and walked us through the whole process from the moment my mom passed away to the end of the funeral with sensitivity and care. Will and Goe in the Cheltenham office were so sweet and professional and made every quirky request my family and I had a reality. They were creative and went above and beyond for us and the funeral was perfect. Alexander Burn, himself, was also at the funeral and was a very warm presence. I am so impressed by how Alexander Burn Funeral Directors handled everything during such a difficult time and would recommend them highly.”
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"I just wanted to say on behalf of the family a very big thank you for all the support and kindness extended to us regarding arrangements for our dear Mum's funeral.
We especially would like to give thanks to Kim who was always at the end of the phone to answer all our questions and guide us through the whole process. She did so with patience and understanding and compassion. It has made the whole thing bearable. For recommending a printer and florist who were just perfect too. To Will who lead us through everything on the day and was so kind to us and calm which made it all seem better.
To Ewan for speaking on our behalf at Mum’s service. He did so with such empathy and kindness and professionalism. His own personal twist on everything made the event much more uplifting and although we were sad he got it that we wanted to celebrate Mum’s life and try not to be sad she has gone. Everybody who attended said it was a beautiful service and Mum would have been proud of what we had all done.
It has been a very sad time but thanks again for making it bearable and the best it could be for our lovely Mum and all who attended that day.
Even the sun came out …. now how did you do that???!!! Amazing!”
